Freedom is a basic human right. Men, Women, Children and ALL humanity are entitled to this right. The basic right to life, to education, to employment, to work, to produce, to friends, to love and be loved, to good times and most important, the right to CHOOSE. We, as women, deserve it equally like men and perhaps more. We produce life. We build and raise generations. We develop society. We support our partners. We are there for every single person in our lives. We work. We create success. We build careers and enterprises. We achieve. We are physically, mentally and emotionally there for every single person and responsibility in our lives. Yet we neglect. We neglect our efforts, ourselves and our bodies and souls. As a result, we are sometimes neglected and taken for granted.

We live in a dictatorship society. This society dictates that we “serve”. It dictates the lines in which we need to follow. It decides what is acceptable and what is not. It dictates that our lifestyles should follow a specific path, or will label us as outcasts, or worst. It expects women to be the “servants”. Expects women to take in and endure constantly and not express feelings or opinions or dare complain. 

A woman is a caretaker, but for her children, the ones who are incapable of taking care of themselves. Women, however, should be taken care of, by their partners and husbands. Unfortunately, the perception of a women being “taken care of” is immediately linked to financial stability. The value of love, care and support is completely misrepresented, underestimated and taken for granted. Support, is not offering a shoulder to cry on, it is respect, respect for her rights, respect for her individuality, respect for her opinions, respect for her decisions and choices.

Women suffer abuse, yet, in most cases, are not aware that they could be in an abusive relationship or environment. Abuse is not just physical, it is emotional, mental and verbal. Yet, our society asks women to be patient and endure such behaviors as it is expected. And for the ones who refuse, are again labeled as outcasts and bring shame to society and their families. 

Women continue to strive to be perfect wives, mothers, daughters and pave the ways for people to walk with ease and without any issues in their lives, yet, they live as prisoners in their own society. From the moment they are born, throughout adulthood and even old age, women are constantly controlled by parents, husbands, or so called “the man responsible for her”, just because she is a woman. They are told what to wear, how to look, how to speak, how to walk, how to behave, where to work, how to deal with situations, who to see and not see, what to study, what not to do, and not to feel, not to decide, and not to share, and it goes on.

Women should refuse to have anyone tell them that they can’t decide for their own. That they are not capable of making a right decision. That they are not worthy of friends, life and love. That they are not allowed to care for themselves or consider themselves important. That they cant put themselves first. 

If this is selfish, then I believe in the virtue of selfishness. A woman is an individual too. 

This perception might be considered biased, and does not include every single woman in our society, but if we take a moment to look around, and understand what many women are going through, women are suffering in silence. I believe in the need for empowering women in the Middle East. She is the pillar in which society is built on. She is a mother, she carries life inside her body, she raises generations that will shape society’s future, she gives and gives and gives. She is entitled to her basic right. The right to choose. 

It is sad when what is left of brilliance in our generation leaves us. It is sad that a man of the mind, driven by passion and believer in loving what you do, loses a battle. A man whose motivation was not the riches but the accomplishments. To contribute to humanity. And contribute he did. I love you Steve Jobs. I love what you represent. The intelligence of the human mind. You are rare. You have left shoes that might not ever be filled. We lost a man worthy of being called a man. Humanity lost a man. I can only hope men like you would exist more.

I am mourning.

The only thing you can do to make up for your shit is leave me alone. Grant me life and the ability to breath.

What a waste of life.

I remembered. 
Now I remember why I am they way I am. 
What the neglect, emotional abuse did to me. 
The mental abuse. 
Not feeling like I'm worth anything. 
I'm worth nothing. 
Because she looks more interesting.  

i miss you. you’re in my thoughts. i want to see you. but i have nothing to say. i have nothing to offer. i just want to see you. and kiss you. there. i said it. you win. i cant stop thinking about you. (how big is ur ego right now?)  i have no ego when it comes to you. maybe we would have been a “wild couple”, maybe we would have hated each other. but now, are we memories? or just a wrong trip? or worst, indifferent?

I want nothing from you. i expect nothing. Yes I acted hastily and I should have picked up the phone when you called. Yes im more emotional than logical. my mistake is not realizing that you didnt trust me and thinking we somehow were picking up where we left off. Which was not the case. We were not on the same page and your best form of communication is “hmmm”. I dont think you have any idea how you have affected my life through out the years. How you were always in the background. I, on the other hand, have no idea if i ever meant anything to you or just another notch on ur bed.

There are different stages of falling apart. 
Its been a while since I experienced the first few. 
However, this is how rock bottom feels like:


Physical hurt. All u want to do is feel pain. 
Pain to make u feel alive. Pain to punish yourself.
Pain to let it out. Pain is better than hurt or suicide.

Then, it's too much effort to do anything. 
Even pain requires effort. 
Requires you to actually get out of bed, to do something.
But now you have become consumed with, 
hurt .. depression .. hate .. anger .. pain
To the point that all your objective right now is
To breath. 
Just to make sure you're still breathing. 
Barely human. Barely living. 
Just an existence 
Consuming oxygen
That you probably feel you don't deserve anymore. 

Men call themselves men just because they have a penis. 
What defines a man. 
What happened to men who protect and provide. 
Did we doom ourselves when we asked for identity. 
Did the world misunderstand the word equality. 
If I am doing the same job as his then I deserve 
I deserve the same salary and benefits.
Not less just because of my vagina. 

By asking for my equal rights doesn't mean that..
I find myself any less of a woman.
It doesn't mean that I no longer find it masculine 
For him 
To open the door for me. To pull my chair.
To seat me on his lap, between his wide shoulders,
Or just hold me and protect me. 
Equal rights doesn't mean I am expected
To provide for him,
Protect him under my wings and mother him. 
Caress him. Make sure he is tucked in. 

I preserve the right to my femininity and womanhood 
And I need a man, A MAN. 
Not another child for me to look after. 
Who will look after little fragile feminine me
If not the broad masculinity that is A MAN. 
I LOVE MEN. I BOW TO MEN. 
But where are they? 
What happened to men? 
They took the side lines for us to lead the way. 

Here I am dwelling again on all that I missed out in life and what could I have achieved and done.

• I wanted to be a fashion designer. I am a business woman.
• I wanted to play the guitar. I am a great air guitarist.
• I wanted to be a dancer. I need to lose weight.
• I wanted to be a painter. I have a multitude of blank canvases.
• I wanted to meet a guy. I am divorced. Twice.
• I wanted to be a rider. I took 30 lessons, and then some.

On the other hand. I didn’t plan for 2 beautiful kids. I have been blessed.

• I have a business and few more to come.
• I volunteer my time to children and education.
• I am genetically blessed. 

It seems I am capable of listing all the things I have not done, as opposed to the things I have achieved.

I wish love visited me. Things would have looked different.